25% of parents are so afraid of upsetting their children they do not discipline them.
I’m not in that group and consider my daughter to be quite well behaved-with an odd tantrum thrown in here and there but generally she’s good.
Not with Dad though!
I’ve witnessed her walk behind him and spit at him, smack him, throw things at him, hiss at him, snarl at him, scream and shout at him. None of which she does to me. And none receive any discipline. (These incidents don’t happen all the time-I don’t want to paint her as a little monster because she’s not)
Because she’s Daddy’s little darling and she gets everything she wants.
I remember telling my husband that if he continued to give her everything she wanted she would turn in to a right little handful and that it was his job to show her that she can’t always have what she wants. Some of what I said is starting to come true-but of course I wasn’t certain this would happen-I’ve never done this before.
Daddy is great with her and will play games gently for hours.
But if our little girl gets given a blue spoon-she wants a pink spoon and that’s what she gets. If she’s given a cup of milk-she wants water and that’s what she gets. And so on.
I’m not a shouty mum, I don’t lose my temper very often but I am very clear that I will not accept smacking, spitting, throwing things in a temper and shouting. Why would I let her think it was ok to act like that when I wouldn’t accept her doing that to someone else?
As she gets older I find myself being much more patient than when she was a baby because I know she understands what I’m saying. Last night at 4am she woke asking to go in my bed. I said no sorry you aren’t coming in my bed there’s no room. She then started shouting loudly and crying then screaming. In a calm voice I kept saying ‘I’m sorry but you’re not coming in to my room-it’s night time’. I told her stories about a day monkey and a night monkey to explain that some ‘monkeys’ get up in the night because they can see in the dark-some sleep and enjoy the daytime. After about an hour I was set free and snuggled back in to my bed where we all slept until gone 8am.
The easy option would have been for me to let her come in to my bed but tough love-I think-is a way of teaching right from wrong. Plus I’ve been warned by a friend who’s lovely girls still get in to bed with her at eight years old- “Don’t Do It!”
In an effort to try and help my husband understand that his lack of discipline is making his life more difficult not easier I showed him this apt article I found-it summed up exactly what he’s going through:
I think my husband knows he has to change but I can’t make him. I want him to see that he’s doing it for our daughters good. I really don’t like seeing her crying but I know I’m doing right by her. I’ve gone downstairs of a night in tears myself. The proof is in the pudding though-generally with me my daughter is well behaved.
I’m sure Daddy will see a way through this-I really hope so.
Have a good weekend