Emerging From The Fog

My little girl is three and a half years old tomorrow and I feel like I’m emerging the fog of becoming a Mum for the first time. As she gains more and more independence I find myself not panicking if she goes out of the room without me, not watching her every second of the day and not feeling like I have to control her every more.

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My little girl is becoming her own person-and I like it.

Of course I am still saying ‘Be careful’, ‘don’t’, ‘stop’, why?’ and ‘no’ far too many times in a day. Sometimes I irritate myself.

I am teaching my daughter that it’s ok for us all to be together but at the same time to do our own things. I believe everyone should have the freedom to pretty much do what they want to do but of course a lot of the day is spent doing things together too.

Now she occupies herself or helps me I have found the time to properly sort out my home. I don’t mean cleaning or washing-I mean properly sorting. I saw a photo of the house when we moved in when my daughter was about six months old-you could see floors and walls and everything.

My conservatory had floor space! How had it come a toy shop?

I am slowly de-cluttering and reclaiming some space back in the house.

Trouble is with the early years is that all of the toys are so darn big- a mini kitchen (Not mini at all), a balance bike, a pedal bike, a baby with potty’s, prams, cots, a drawing desk, an easel and mounds of soft toys. Yes I did buy it all but I don’t know if I was conscious or whether the Mummy fog was clouding my judgement,

The soft toys-I have to come back to them. Sometimes I think they are breeding. And they do breed-at every calendar moment-Easter…a new bunny, Christmas…a new Santa teddy, birthdays…a birth date teddy…a visit to the zoo…an animal teddy, a visit to fayre….win a blooming teddy.

Of course Summer is coming t’s teddy bears picnic time. We have enough teddies to host a picnic for hundreds. I secretly want to ties the teddies to balloons and set them free.

I want to banish the teddy. Become a teddy free zone. A teddyless society.

And balloons. Why is every occasion a balloon occasion-and who ends up holding them? Me!

When balloons manage to come home (If they survive ‘oops I let it go’) I get a pair of scissors and cut the bottom off so they deflate faster than you can say teddy. In the bin they go and I smile.

I’m not a minimalist by any chalk but I am growing an aversion to teddies and balloons!  

Sorry I went off on a different path then.

Back to emerging from the fog-I’ve realised since I became a Mum that I’m a little bit of a loner. I have lots of friends and know lots of great people but I tend to just do my own thing. I’m a doer and love being inspired to try out new things. I’m always cooking, crafting, gardening, planning days out or researching.

What’s great now is that my little girl can do things with me.

I hope this doesn’t read in a way I don’t mean but I felt for a long while that having little one is really restricting. Of course it’s enjoyable but I found the restriction of having a baby and then a toddler was really tough.

In just a few short years though I now feel that I have a companion in my daughter and I hope she will get the same enjoyment out of the things I love as I do.

If she doesn’t it really won’t matter because we can still be together doing different things.

The fog is clearing and I’m still here as the same person I was-it’s just that there’s now a beautiful little girl by my side.

Thank you for reading

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