I find it very difficult to watch Children In Need because my daughter nearly didn’t make it three years ago. I’ve not talked about it too much-I thought it might be ‘therapeutic’ to write a little about it in my blog.
My little girl was 12 days overdue when I went in to hospital to be induced. I’m very much a deal with a problem inwardly type person so during labour I was quite quiet even though I felt like a scene from Alien was going on inside me. At around 11am the hospital showed concerns about baby’s heartbeat and to cut a long story short without due care at 12.45am my little girl came in to the world not breathing.
When she was 6 months old an MRI scan showed signs of brain damage and from the little bit of research I’ve done since I have found out that the damage caused to her during birth could have manifested itself in Cerebral Palsy. This condition can be very mild or extremely severe leading to disability. I still cant relax about the medical possibilities but as she gets older and reaches each milestone I become more confident in her abilities.
So even though I am extremely lucky to have such a bright and healthy little girl the amount of worrying I have done has sometimes taken the edge off of some special moments.
When she learned to crawl, talk, walk and laugh instead of being excited I felt a huge wave of relief-yes she can do these things. These things you see were milestones I wasn’t certain she would ever reach.
My daughter spent 9 days in intensive care when she was born- and I had to go home before her. I cannot tell you how sad I was the day I walked through my front door without her. Her room all ready and waiting, congratulations cards on the bookshelf and an overly tidy house from 12 days of ‘nesting’. It really broke my heart.
When I went back in to hospital to visit her I saw proud mums leaving hospital with their bundles of joy wrapped in new blankets and proud Dads carrying pink or blue helium balloons. I felt so very sad that my moment had come and gone and I couldn’t even hold my baby.
For 9 days I couldn’t really bond with her properly-I’m making up for it now. I’m sure sometimes she thinks Oh Mum just leave me be!
So Children In Need time for me is a tear jerker because I know I’ve been really lucky-I’m still very upset about the whole experience. More than that though I feel for any parent who’s child is in any way suffering. You find such strength but there are times when all you want to do is cry.
Thank you for taking time to read this.
I will always support Children In Need- no child should ever have to suffer and money shouldn’t be a reason support can’t be offered.